Well, I've decided to start a blog...jumped on the bandwagon. It seems people don't talk to each other anymore, they just blog and send everyone they know--and don't know--to check it out to see what's going on in their life. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's more convenient in our busy lives to do just that...but how personal is that really??? And I don't even know if anyone will actually read this thing, but I feel it's more for me to get things out and process them than to let everyone know my innermost personal thoughts. Think of it as a kind of therapy...welcome to my therapy sessions! :)
So anyway, what's going on in my life these days. Well, I'm a mom of two boys--Elijah, 3 years and Michael Jr, 2 months. Let me tell you, I thought being a new mom for the first time was hard... That was NOTHING compared to the second time around. Not only do you have to remember everything you went through the first time (not that the second time around is anything like the first time), but you also have to adjust to the newcomer entertain the first born. Yeah, because that's so much fun! Gee, let's have another!!
(I don't believe I'm posting this...)
Elijah has been adapting very well to a new baby though. I was really concerned because he's been the center of attention for the past 3 years. Now all of a sudden this new kid comes in and steals his thunder. I guess, though, with being passed from place to place he's become quite the resilient kid. See, for the first 2 years of his life, his dad and I were together. Then the separation--and soon to follow divorce--crept in. Enter my parents' house (his grandparents, obviously). They spoiled him to death and weren't to happy about us leaving. While there (for just about a year) he would go see his dad every other weekend. Now that we're out of the house, he's got a new person to get used to...Michael--my fiance'. They get along pretty well, for the most part. They butt heads a lot, but they love each other. (He's still getting used to the whole "kids thing".) So you see, going from living with both parents, to living with his grandparents and visiting his dad, to living with his mom and her fiance' and visiting his dad...he's gone through a lot in just 3 short years.
And that's the funny thing...it's been three years now--4 if you want to count the pregnancy--and I still get baffled by the fact that I'm a mom! Sometimes Elijah will call out 'Mommy' and I'll be like, 'Oh yeah, that's me.' Sometimes it makes me feel crazy. Hello! It's been 3 years now...although just two of being called Mommy. You think I'd be used to the fact by now.
Anyway, enough about family...I'm working at the church down the street from my house, which is ideal since I don't have a car. I work 4 days a week, the assistant works one. She is moving soon and that will give me 5 days, at least until they find a replacement--if they even look for one. I'm hoping they don't and I can just add on the fifth day to my workload. The only problem with this is that on my day off from this office, I work at another office...and they're already not happy that I only work one day and one afternoon a week there. I don't know if they will let me still come in the afternoon and also work from home on my computer or if that job will become non-existent. They only bad thing about not having that job is the extra money. I think that if I drop this job...even with the extra day...it will be a little less than what I get from working both jobs. (Oh, how I hate money!!!) >:(
On another note, I've heard from a couple of friends that I haven't heard from in ages! One is getting married and the other thinks the girl he's courting is "the one". I always shudder when I hear the "M" word. Partly because it's a very joyous time. Partly because I went through that and I look back and all I find myself saying "What was I thinking???" Now don't get me wrong...if it wasn't for marrying Josh, I wouldn't have Elijah. And as much as I'd like to run away some days and just get my life back when I was single with not a care in the world, I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything! But I do wish there were some way I could have gotten the benefits without the horrors. Now I know that not all marriages are like this, and not all people hide intense, dark secrets, only to be brought to light once it's too late. But you have to agree with me, it's a HUGE, life-changing event! It's not like you're just trying to figure out if you're having beef or chicken for dinner. You can always put the beef back in the fridge and save it for later, defrost the chicken and have a great barbecue. That's not that life-altering. But marriage...committing to one person for the rest of your days, in sickness and health, rich and poor, good times and bad...you know the bit. I don't know how anybody figures that one out. Kudos to you if you're one of the lucky ones.
You might be thinking, 'But didn't you say that you're getting married again?' Yes, you are correct. But you don't know how many times in just one day I question myself on that. I'm just glad no one else can hear the conversations that go on in my head...I might just be committed if I was caught! :) I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the guy! It's just that with going through a divorce really changes your perspective on relationships, commitment, love, trust...life. Sometimes, I ask myself if it's really worth it...staying with him and sharing life until we grow old. If I love him enough to go through all the turbulence we'll encounter in the years to come. I mean, we've made it this far...look at all we've overcome already. And then I look at the way things are and the things we argue over. It seems it was easier to leap over the huge hurdles than to step over the bumps in the road.
Well, I think I've gone on long enough for one blog...if you've made it through, congrats! (I'm sorry if you were expecting some kind of prize for suffering through my ramblings...my never-ending appreciation??? No? Well, sorry for the disappointment.) I'll try to keep them shorter next time.
Until then...*SMILE*
So anyway, what's going on in my life these days. Well, I'm a mom of two boys--Elijah, 3 years and Michael Jr, 2 months. Let me tell you, I thought being a new mom for the first time was hard... That was NOTHING compared to the second time around. Not only do you have to remember everything you went through the first time (not that the second time around is anything like the first time), but you also have to adjust to the newcomer entertain the first born. Yeah, because that's so much fun! Gee, let's have another!!
(I don't believe I'm posting this...)
Elijah has been adapting very well to a new baby though. I was really concerned because he's been the center of attention for the past 3 years. Now all of a sudden this new kid comes in and steals his thunder. I guess, though, with being passed from place to place he's become quite the resilient kid. See, for the first 2 years of his life, his dad and I were together. Then the separation--and soon to follow divorce--crept in. Enter my parents' house (his grandparents, obviously). They spoiled him to death and weren't to happy about us leaving. While there (for just about a year) he would go see his dad every other weekend. Now that we're out of the house, he's got a new person to get used to...Michael--my fiance'. They get along pretty well, for the most part. They butt heads a lot, but they love each other. (He's still getting used to the whole "kids thing".) So you see, going from living with both parents, to living with his grandparents and visiting his dad, to living with his mom and her fiance' and visiting his dad...he's gone through a lot in just 3 short years.
And that's the funny thing...it's been three years now--4 if you want to count the pregnancy--and I still get baffled by the fact that I'm a mom! Sometimes Elijah will call out 'Mommy' and I'll be like, 'Oh yeah, that's me.' Sometimes it makes me feel crazy. Hello! It's been 3 years now...although just two of being called Mommy. You think I'd be used to the fact by now.
Anyway, enough about family...I'm working at the church down the street from my house, which is ideal since I don't have a car. I work 4 days a week, the assistant works one. She is moving soon and that will give me 5 days, at least until they find a replacement--if they even look for one. I'm hoping they don't and I can just add on the fifth day to my workload. The only problem with this is that on my day off from this office, I work at another office...and they're already not happy that I only work one day and one afternoon a week there. I don't know if they will let me still come in the afternoon and also work from home on my computer or if that job will become non-existent. They only bad thing about not having that job is the extra money. I think that if I drop this job...even with the extra day...it will be a little less than what I get from working both jobs. (Oh, how I hate money!!!) >:(
On another note, I've heard from a couple of friends that I haven't heard from in ages! One is getting married and the other thinks the girl he's courting is "the one". I always shudder when I hear the "M" word. Partly because it's a very joyous time. Partly because I went through that and I look back and all I find myself saying "What was I thinking???" Now don't get me wrong...if it wasn't for marrying Josh, I wouldn't have Elijah. And as much as I'd like to run away some days and just get my life back when I was single with not a care in the world, I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything! But I do wish there were some way I could have gotten the benefits without the horrors. Now I know that not all marriages are like this, and not all people hide intense, dark secrets, only to be brought to light once it's too late. But you have to agree with me, it's a HUGE, life-changing event! It's not like you're just trying to figure out if you're having beef or chicken for dinner. You can always put the beef back in the fridge and save it for later, defrost the chicken and have a great barbecue. That's not that life-altering. But marriage...committing to one person for the rest of your days, in sickness and health, rich and poor, good times and bad...you know the bit. I don't know how anybody figures that one out. Kudos to you if you're one of the lucky ones.
You might be thinking, 'But didn't you say that you're getting married again?' Yes, you are correct. But you don't know how many times in just one day I question myself on that. I'm just glad no one else can hear the conversations that go on in my head...I might just be committed if I was caught! :) I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the guy! It's just that with going through a divorce really changes your perspective on relationships, commitment, love, trust...life. Sometimes, I ask myself if it's really worth it...staying with him and sharing life until we grow old. If I love him enough to go through all the turbulence we'll encounter in the years to come. I mean, we've made it this far...look at all we've overcome already. And then I look at the way things are and the things we argue over. It seems it was easier to leap over the huge hurdles than to step over the bumps in the road.
Well, I think I've gone on long enough for one blog...if you've made it through, congrats! (I'm sorry if you were expecting some kind of prize for suffering through my ramblings...my never-ending appreciation??? No? Well, sorry for the disappointment.) I'll try to keep them shorter next time.
Until then...*SMILE*
